Accept Only Original Snake Oil - No Imitations

While I'm generally more interested in matters of high finance than dentistry, a visit to the latter today convinced me that the two are one and the same. For years I've yawned (and shown my teeth) as contemporaries carried on about the cost of their dental work, now I'm up against a similar decision myself. A less gracious dentist would have hammered home that ignoring the early warning signs (for years) is what did me in. In the first decade of the 1800's, everybody thought that George Washington had wooden teeth and nobody wanted to emulate him, so snake oil remedies multiplied. The proprietors of these miracle treatments earned enough by their sale to afford regular space ads on the front page of the London Times. An example follows:

For the TEETH. Patronized and used by his Royal Highness the Duke of Kent. TROTTER's ORIENTAL DENTIFRICE, or ASIATIC TOOTH POWDER, had been for 20 years acknowledged by the most respectable Medical authorities, used by many, and recommended. The Powder cleanses and beautifies the teeth, sweetens the breath, posses no acid that can erode the enamel, and puts a beautiful polish on the teeth. From its astringency, it strengthens the gums, eradicates the scurvy (which often proves the destruction of a whole set of teeth), preserves sound teeth from decay, secures decayed teeth from becoming worse, fastens those which are loose, and proves the happy means of preventing their being drawn. But what has enhanced it in the estimation of thoses who have been in the habit of using it is it prevents the return of tooth-ach, (with which, before that period, they had been violently afflicted), and obviates the necessity of that most disagreeable of all operations, scaling the teeth. Likewise, a Tincture, which posses the power of easing the most violent tooth-ach, and is awash with the powder. A caution against purchasing any Asiatic Tooth Powder without "M Trotter" on the stamp on the back of the box. All others are counterfeits. Sold, wholesale and retail, by the Proprietor, at her house, (and nowhere else on the Strand), No. 3 Beaufort buildings, Strand, and by her appointment, by Gattie and Lea, New Bond street; Davison and Son, 59, Fleet street; Tott and Boulton, Royal Exchange; Tait, 41, Cornhill; Hendrie and Son, Perfumers, Tichborne street; and most of the wholesale vendors in London, price 2s, 9d, a box and a bottle.

I was willing to believe it would whiten the teeth and freshen the breath, but "secures decayed teeth from becoming worse" and "fastens those which are loose," stretches my credulity beyond the breaking point. However, my favorite part of the ad is where it says (paraphrase)"Buy only our snake oil, all the other snake oils are counterfeits."